Providing Professional Doula Services to Families in Greenwich, Westchester and NYC

Northeast Doulas: Kids Say the Darndest Things


Let’s face it. Being a parent has its challenges, but overall it’s pretty hilarious! Kids are humans in their rawest form and they’ll tell you everything you didn’t want to hear in every brutally honest way possible. We love the way they ask questions to try and figure out this big beautiful world we live in. Sometimes they could use a little more finesse, but that would take away from the hilarity

We wanted to take the opportunity to appreciate all the hysterical and often inappropriate things our children say...

Here’s just a few of our personal favorites...


“I’m not a slow poke, I’m a fast poke!” - Nixon, Dutchess County NY

“It’s easy to have a baby! You just lean back, push real hard and a baby comes out your ‘gina!” Westley, Westchester NY

“I was in your tummy? And the brothers too? What about Daddy?” - Nixon, Dutchess County NY

“Another brother? How many boys are you going to have? Like, a hundred?” - Westley, Westchester NY


If you don’t feed your kids promptly, they’ll be the saddest people in the world. Apparently.

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" We went for a family hike today. Nixon began talking about using the force and I said, "ooh! I would use the force to fly! What would you use it for?" Expecting an awesome answer he responds with such honesty, "I would use it to choke you." " - Denise, Dutchess County NY

..and then of course there’s always too much, or, awkward information.

“I went to see my mortgage advisor with my six year old. When we sat down in his office my son said…“I want you to know, I’m not her husband.”

"We were in an elevator at a hotel going to the pool. It was me and my 5-year-old son, a teenage boy, and his dad. Suddenly, my son announces...“My mom isn’t usually half naked, we’re going swimming.”"

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Well that took a turn for the worst. I bet you didn’t see that one coming.

Sometimes kids are appalled at unexpected things.

“My son was drinking out of a Spiderman cup all afternoon. After about 4 hours he hands me the cup and said…“Take this away, it is the worst cup I have ever seen.”

“We were leaving a T-ball game; my son was about 4 and my daughter 7. My daughter removed her cleats and socks and my boy looks over and comments, “They some damn ugly dogs.”

They have an extraordinary talent of catching you off guard.

“I’m a preschool teacher and during snack time one of my students was poking the girl next to him. So i told him if he continues, I’ll have to move his seat. He replied…“I’ll call my attorney”

“My daughter’s Frozen doll kept falling over and she finally said.. C’mon Elsa! Get it together!”

It’s not often you know what to say when your kid tells you that you’re ruining their lives.

About halfway through a spaghetti dinner my 3-year-old daughter asked what the green stuff on the pasta was. When I told her it was parsley, she threw up her hands and said... “Well, I’ve never had it before, and now. My life. Is ruined.” 

“I was on the phone with my wife discussing dinner plans and my 7-year-old informed us that “salad is ruining my life.”

And then of course there’s this video..

They’re our kids in all of their embarrassing, no filter having glory.

Every once in awhile we hear something come out of their mouths that stop us in our tracks and laugh until we cry.

We want to hear the funniest thing your kid has ever said, share your stories with us!